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Work-life Balance:
The famous Swiss psychologist, Carl Jung, once said,
"Hurry is not 'of the devil,' it is the devil. "I'm
not sure that he was theologically correct, but he
sure was right psychologically speaking.
If you're living an overly busy, hurried, and hectic
life, you may be wasting your life. That's not to say
that your schedule isn't filled with good and important
things. But you may be letting all those "good" things
crowd out better things.
What about you? Are you living your life by default,
letting your pressures control your life? Or are
you living your life on purpose, using your priorities
to create your life?
Those questions came to mind when I was speaking in
Europe recently. One of my program attendees said he
recently visited his grandmother in Germany. The
whole time he was there, she never sat down. She was
constantly cleaning, cooking, and organizing. She
had no time to relax. When he asked his grandmother
why she kept up such a frantic pace, she said, "Life
is short. There's no time to waste. "
By contrast, another attendee told me about vacationing
in Spain. He said he so enjoyed watching a crew
transplant a tree, a task that took them three days
to complete. He said the crew would dig for a little
while, take a breather, sip a little wine, go back to
work, and repeat the cycle. When he asked them about
the leisurely way in which they approached their work,
they said, "Life is short. You've got to slow down
and enjoy every moment of it. "
Both examples may be extremes, but the one thing we all
agree on is "life is short. "So you'd better be living
your life by your priorities rather than your pressures.
How do you know which one is strongest in your life?
Tim Connor, a gifted speaker and prolific writer,
, says if your primary personal relationship has suffered
because of your business and busyness, then your pressures are taking precedence
over your priorities and your work-life balance is off.
Tim asks the following questions. If you answer "yes"
to too many of these questions, it's time to get your
priorities in order and live accordingly.
1. Are you spending less time together as a couple
than you did a year ago?
2. When you go out to dinner on a weeknight with your
partner, do you "have to have" your pager or cell phone
with you?
3. When you are running errands on a Saturday, do you
check your business voice mail?
4. Are you spending less time with your children than
in the past?
5. When you go on vacation, do you stay in touch with
your office?
6. Would you interrupt or cancel some important personal
time for a business issue of any kind?
7. Do you lack time for yourself, time to read, relax,
play, travel, or engage in a hobby?
8. Do you feel like your life is out of balance?
9. Are you feeling increased stress lately?
10. Do you sometimes feel like "chucking" the whole
thing and moving to Vermont, Fiji, or wherever?
They're great questions, and I'm sure a lot of you will
be rather humbled by your answers. You'll probably
feel a need to get your life and your career a little
more back on track. If that describes you, let me
suggest a few things you can do.
FOCUS ON BEING EFFECTIVE. To develop work-life balance, it's the best place to
start. Effectiveness is all about priorities or
doing the right things. It's life management. By
contrast, efficiency is all about process or doing
things right. That's time management, and time
management is also important. It's just not the
place to start. I'll write about time management
in next week's Tuesday Tip.
Effect work-life balance requires that you SET YOUR PRIORITIES.
You might even want to list everything you do and
everything you think is important in life. Then rank
those items in order of importance -- to you. Forget
the Joneses. Just decide what's important to you.
And keep trimming your list until you only have those
things on the list that really matter. You can't do
everything, so you've got to decide what things are
most important to you.
Then LEARN TO SAY "NO. "You must say "no" to the bad
things in life if you want the good things, and you
must learn to say "no" to some good things if you want
the better things in life. If you can't say "no" or
don't say "no" to some of the demands and pressures
that come your way, you don't have any priorities.
"No" is a great word. In fact, it was probably the
first word you learned to speak. Use it. It's your
life, your time, and your resources. If you keep
saying "yes" out of guilt, fear, or a sense of
obligation, if you don't put limits on the use of
your life, time, and resources, they will disappear.
As one smart coach said, "You don't have to swing at
everything they throw at you. "
You may have to say "no" to some human vampires in your
life. They're the ones who suck the life out of you.
They may be the constant whiners, complainers, and gripers
who bring you down, or they may be the lazy ones who
feign helplessness to get you to do their work for them.
They may be coworkers or family members, and you may or
may not be able to or wish to avoid them altogether. But
you may decide to say "no" by limiting the time you
spend with them.
I know it's not easy to say "no. "Our culture pushes
us in the opposite direction. However, if your
priorities are clear, if you know what you want to say
"yes" to, you'll have the strength to say "no" when you
need to.
Finally, EMBRACE QUALITY TIME. That might mean taking
time for yourself by yourself. You might decide to set
aside fifteen minutes a day that is just for you. You
send the kids to the neighbors, or close your office
door, turn off the phone, and just relax, breathe,
think, or dream.
That's not a "waste" of time. In fact it's counter
productive to always be doing something. When you
try to fill your time with excess activity, you will
feel tense, hurried, harassed or fretful, and that's
not how it feels when you're focused primarily on your
priorities.
When you embrace quality time, you schedule time for the
special things and special people in your life. And
when those special times come, you focus only on them
without distraction. You don't let anything else get in
the way.
You're a smart person. So don't let your pressures
get in the way of your priorities. You're worth more
than that.
Action on Work-life Balance:
List the ten things that are most important to you.
Your list might include such priorities as physical
health, family relationships, financial security,
spiritual growth, whatever is important to you.
Then list the 10 areas in life where you spend the
most time. Write down an estimate of how much time
you spend on each area each week. For example, you
may list such areas as job - 40 hours, sleep - 56 hours,
commuting to work - 5 hours, golf - 4 hours, and
church - 1 hour.
Compare your list of priorities and your list of time
consumers. There should be some compatibility between
what you say is most important and where you spend
the most time. The more compatibility you have, the
more you live by your priorities rather than your
pressures. More articles:
For additional information on the topic of stress management, click on any of the
following:
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