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Conflict Resolution:
There's a verse in the Bible that says "for everything
there is a season. "In other words, timing is critical.
Don't just do the right thing; do the right thing at
the right time.
That's so true when it comes to conflict. I meet a lot of
people who hate conflict. They'll do anything they can to
avoid it because, in their minds, it's never the right
time to fight. I also meet a few people who will fight
anybody anytime if they don't get their way. Neither
extreme is very effective.
If you want better results, CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTS CAREFULLY.
In other words, know when to fight and when to withdraw.
It's not that difficult to figure out.
Just ask yourself three questions. If you get a "yes"
to each question, I would say you've chosen your fight
carefully. So go ahead. Bring it up, talk it out, and
work it through.
The first question you ask yourself is, "DOES A THREAT
EXIST?" Is that other person doing something that is
getting in the way of your happiness or success?
Perhaps a coworker is spreading false rumors about you.
Does that threaten your relationship with other coworkers?
It probably does. Or maybe your child selects a gross-
colored shirt to wear. Does that threaten your success?
Probably not.
If you can say yes, a threat exists, ask yourself a
second question, "IS IT WORTH A FIGHT?" Some things
are worth fighting for, such as a happier marriage or
more satisfied customers. Other things aren't worth
the hassle.
One man told me of a year-long battle he had with his
son. The father, a military man, despised his son's
long hair. They had several arguments over it, until
one day the dad realized he had a good son.
He said his son received good grades, had very nice
friends, and never got in trouble. The teachers
often commented on how much they liked his son, and
indeed, he was an asset to the school.
The dad told me that he suddenly realized that the
more he and his son fought, the further they drifted
apart. He realized he was losing his son over a
haircut. It didn't pass my second test. It wasn't
worth a fight, so he dropped that issue.
But if you can say "yes, a threat exists" and "it's
worth a fight," then ask yourself, "IF I FIGHT, CAN
I MAKE A DIFFERENCE?" If your experience tells you
there is no way the other person will listen to you,
there's no way he'll go along with you, then shut up.
Don't waste your breath. Don't fight that battle.
You're going to lose anyway.
Ask yourself these three questions before you get
entangled in a conflict. If you do, you won't be
arguing with idiots, and you won't be an idiot.
You'll be getting more positive results because
you've chosen to do the right thing at the right time.
Action on conflict resolution:
Think of someone you're about to confront. You've
been mustering up the courage to say something, and
you've been thinking about what you've got to say.
Now step back for a moment and ask yourself the three
questions listed above. Then, and only then, decide
whether or not you're going to proceed with your
confrontation.
More articles:
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