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Conflict Resolution:
Picture yourself driving around a crowded parking lot on
a rainy day. In fact the rain is coming down so hard
and so fast that there's several inches of standing water
all over the parking lot.
Nonetheless, you park your car and head for the sidewalk
and the entrance to the shopping mall. However, when you
finally get there, you see a car parked directly in
front of the sidewalk. There's no way to get inside
the store without going around the car and through some
very deep puddles.
You're probably thinking, "How thoughtless can people be?
How dare they?" You trudge through the puddles, get to
the door of the shop you want to visit, shake off the rain
as best you can, and turn back towards the parked car to
share a few angry, disgusted looks.
Just then you see a lady struggling along with crutches,
her legs in braces. She slowly inches her way to the
slippery sidewalk, gets to the parked car, falls in,
and drives off.
How do you feel now? You're probably ashamed of the
nasty things you thought about that car and driver only
a few moments before. Your anger and irritation are
probably gone. In seconds, everything changed.
But stop. Take a deeper look. What changed you? The
situation was still the same. The car was still
blocking the sidewalk. You still had to wade through
the deep puddles of water. The only thing that had
really changed was your attitude toward the situation.
You saw the woman and her plight, and suddenly you
understood.
As I wrote a short time ago, it's typical of people to
sit in judgment of others. If they don't act the way we
think they should, we get upset. The trouble is, when
you jump to conclusions too quickly, you're going to
trip up.
I think of one manager who almost lost his best employee
by jumping to conclusions. He noticed that one of his
employees habitually left five minutes earlier than she
was supposed to. At about 4:50 p. m. , she started to
clear her desk, and at 4:55 p. m. she bolted out the
door.
This particular manager hated this behavior. It was
unacceptable, and on several occasions he had thought
of firing her. What restrained him was the fact that
on all other accounts she was an excellent employee.
One day, however, the manager's resentment built to the
point where he simply had to confront her. He called
her into his office and told her that her early
departures had not gone unnoticed. He asked if she
had any explanation.
She said, "Yes, I believe I have. I am a widow with
three small children. The woman who cares for them
during the day must leave at 5:45. If I catch the
5:00 bus, I get home at 5:45. If I don't get on that
bus, the next bus doesn't leave until 5:45, and that
gets me home at 6:30. I can't leave three small children
unattended for 45 minutes. I didn't want to tell you
because I was afraid I would have to leave my job. "
Of course, the manager was no longer incensed or irritated.
He moved from a jumped conclusion to a fuller understanding.
He promptly made special arrangements for her to leave
five minutes early each day and make up the time on
special occasions.
You see one of the absolute indispensable ingredients
for getting along with others is understanding. Without
it, human associations go astray. And DIFFERENCES,
IRRITATIONS, SEPARATIONS, AND CONFLICTS START WHERE
UNDERSTANDING STOPS.
Psychologist Jack Berg says, "The human mind reaches for
understanding like a flower for the sun. "In other
words, people are yearning for your understanding. It's
a gift you give them. And it's a gift you need to be
giving at home and at work.
On the home front, for example, husbands and wives are
begging for understanding. Indirectly they're saying,
"I know I've been grouchy, but before you tune me out
and give me the cold shoulder the next few days, please
understand me. I haven't been feeling too good lately.
You know about my headaches. I'm worried about our bills.
I'm overwhelmed by all the work I've got to do. And quite
honestly, the kids are getting on my nerves. So, please,
before you get too exasperated with me, try to understand
me. "
I wonder how many homes are broken because the need for
understanding is never satisfied. And I wonder how much
needless stress we suffer because we jump to conclusions
instead of offering understanding. Conflict resolution should be the
standard instead of the exception.
In the workplace, the same thing is true. Deep down, the
employee may be saying, "I know I don't always perform
the way I should. And I know I do too much griping in
the lunchroom. But before you write me off as a no-good
employee, please try to understand me. I've been
distracted by some problems at home, and it's been hard
for me to concentrate on work. But I really want to grow
professionally. I want to move up in this company. It's
just that I've been in the same job for so long, and
that job uses so few of my talents. Please understand me. "
I wonder how many mediocre employees could become great
employees if the boss just understood them. I wonder
how much untapped potential lies dormant in employees
because the boss jumped to the wrong conclusion about those
people. I'll bet a lot. A whole lot.
UNDERSTANDING IS A GIFT YOU GIVE OTHERS. But it's also
a gift you give yourself.
In life you're going to be exposed to all kinds of
events like the ones I just described. You're going to
find lots of situations that bug you. It may be the
person that interrupts you when speaking, or the person
that talks incessantly, loafs a bit, and makes too many
mistakes.
If you allow yourself to react spontaneously, automatically,
jumping to conclusions about these episodes, your life
will be filled with anger and frustration. You'll feel
miserable a good portion of the time.
You need to realize that you can't go through life
continually controlling circumstances, or people. All
you can control is your attitude toward them. And with
an attitude of understanding, you will remove a lot of
the unpleasantness in your life at the same time you
give people what they need and crave.
Action on conflict resolution:
On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 represents "Work at
understanding others" and 10 represents "Jump to an
instant conclusion," how would you rate yourself? Are
you satisfied with that score? What number would you
like to be?
Choose two simple things you can do this week to move
your score one point in the direction you'd like to go.
Then do them.
More articles:
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